World Cup

SATURDAY, JUL 10, 2010 19:01 ET

Referees suck! And other lessons

of the World Cup

As Spain and the Netherlands prepare to throw down, we offer lessons from a thousand hours spent on the couch

BY STEVE ALMOND in Salon.COM

Referees suck! And other lessons of the World Cup

YouTube screen shot

U.S. players protest a referee's call during their match against Slovenia at the World Cup on June 18.

I confess (rather joyfully) to being one of those annoying, hardcore soccer fans who loves the World Cup whether or not the United States is still playing.

Don't worry, though. I'm not going to bore you with another paean to the poetics of the Beautiful Game. If you can't see them, or don't care to, that just means more room on the couch for me. Read more ...

But I do think it's worth summing up what we learned from this year's Cup, which amounts to the world's largest sporting event, and which culminates Sunday with a contest between Spain and the Netherlands.

The last time the Spanish and the Dutch fought a battle this big was in the 1580s, when William of Orange bucked the rule of King Philip II of Spain, an act that essentially paved the way for Dutch independence. OK, so it's not exactly a grudge match with a lot of recent history. But that doesn't mean it won't be great.

Lesson No. 1: Commercials Totally Ruin American Sports

Throughout the course of the Cup, I kept trying to figure out why I found watching the games so relaxing. And yes, part of it was the natural flow of the game, its spontaneous grace. But a lot of it was simply the absence of commercials. ....

Lesson No. 2: The Refs Totally Screwed the Pooch

I'm not just talking about the phantom call that cost the United States a goal against Slovenia, and a thrilling comeback. There were, by my count, at least a dozen howlers in this Cup. ....

Lesson No. 3: Chemistry Matters

You hear this chestnut a lot in the pop-psychology vernacular of sports. But this year's Cup served as a potent reminder. The teams that underperformed -- hey, France, I'm talking to you -- were the ones that couldn't handle adversity.

....

Lesson No. 4: The World Cup Should Be Held Every Two Years

Granted: Most Americans don't give a shit about the World Cup unless our team is in the hunt. ....

Lesson No. 5: Soccer Will Never Be a Huge Sport in the U.S. -- and That's Just Fine

It's not just that soccer isn't violent enough for our tastes (though it isn't), or that there isn't enough scoring (though there isn't). It's that the game is ultimately too diffuse for the American psyche. It's not structured enough. Played properly, soccer is a series of improvs, of strung-together riffs. There is no predictable pattern of building drama. The deciding goal might come in the fourth minute, on an epic header, or in the 104th minute, on a boneheaded own goal. Either way, there's no warning.

And thus, you have to be paying attention at all times, not lost in a haze of distraction. And you have to be willing to take pleasure in the process of the game, not just the outcome. ....

Steve Almond is the author of "Rock and Roll Will Save Your Life."